Choose Like Einstein

Albert Einstein gave us a truthful, if playful, formula He
said, “If A = success, the formula is A = X + Y with X being
work, Y being play and Z, keeping your mouth shut”
I cannot imagine there is anyone who, at some point, has not
kicked themselves for saying something when that something would
have been better left unsaid For most of us with any degree of
“awareness”, there is that internal voice, whispering, or
screaming, “Don’t Do It!”, and yet, out it comes We know
better We say it We regret it This apparently must have also
happened to Einstein Now, isn’t that reassuring?
There is another quote that goes something like this: It is
easier to put a speeding bullet back into the gun, than to
recall words once they have been spoken We’ve all experienced
the regret of the word spoken in anger, revenge or
unmindfulness As most of us are in relationships with others
who are much like us, it is highly unlikely that their response
to our carelessly chosen words is one of sweetness and light-and
the struggle is on
In counseling couples and giving relationship seminars, I call
this the “ten-for-the-price-of-one” approach If we had
carefully, thoughtfully and mindfully refrained from those one
or two comments, the one conversation we were having at that
time would have stayed on track and, perhaps, been productive
By saying those fated words, we create the opportunity to
escalate that one conversation The tone of the conversation
changes The issue becomes broader, usually more personally
offensive and more emotionally based This leads us astray from
the intent of the first conversation
Here’s an example: Mary wants to talk to John about her
discomfort when he regularly leaves the lid off the toothpaste
She tells him that it really bothers her and, although she knows
it is her issue, she would like his help with it
His choices: A “Oh, I didn’t know it bothered you that much I
love you and I will be happy to put the lid on the toothpaste”
(This man is a paragon of virtue ready for sainthood!)
B “Oh, tell me more about that because I don’t understand it at
all” (He has some communication skills)
C “Oh, there you go again You always have something to
complain about You’re just like your mother (Oops, we’re soon
likely to forget that the issue is the lid on the toothpaste!)
D “Get over it! Get a life! or Give it up, !” ( We are
certainly not going to solve the ‘lid on the toothpaste’ issue
in the near future)
Now we can have the ” ten-for-the-price-of-one” conversations
The issue will come up again and again and become an ongoing
example of Mary’s unreasonableness every time John wants to end
a conversation Recognize this? It’s common
Try this Stop and take a breath before you say those fated
words that you really know may take you into a “10-for-1″
conversation Be curious Ask for more information Truly listen
and intend to learn something about the other person This has a
way of changing relationships for the better Here’s to Albert’s
formula for success!

About the Author

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Keynotes, Seminars Coaching for entrepreneurs professionals
who want the motivation strategies to achieve, to lead and to
live richly Creator of the Living Richly™ Program Host of
Living Richly™ on wwwwsRadiows Author of OPTIMIZE Your Day!
Practical Wisdom for Optimal Living Optimize Life Now! San Diego, CA
wwwOptimizeLifeNowcom

Tags | anger, counseling, couples, light, paragon, relationships, seminars, speeding, struggle, toothpaste, virtue