Bullycide: An International Tragedy
By Dianne James
Many thanks to Brenda for her courage and conviction and
permission to use Jared’s story for this article Please read
Jared’s story at the end of this article, and visit the website
dedicated to ending this needless cruelty This is an ongoing
problem throughout the world It needs to stop
I’ve tried my entire life not to hate people, to avoid the
bitterness that comes with hatred and prejudice There is one
group of individuals that I could very nearly hate, though, and
those are bullies When I was a child, I had probably more than
my share of bullies, due, in part to my small stature and the
fact that we moved a lot Always being the new kid has its
special problems, and the new kid is like a bullseye to a school
bully, because a new kid hasn’t had the time to make friends and
build alliances They’re out there on their own, until they
do
I can remember when I was in grade school in a small town in
Texas, and the new kid, being a bull’s eye for girl and boy
bullies alike The girls would taunt me on the playground,
threaten to cut my hair, exclude me or run away from me, saying
cruel things One particular day, I was about at the end of my
rope with these abusers, having sat through an entire morning of
having spitballs thrown across the classroom when the teacher
would be turned writing on the board I had already been kicked
very hard, on the tailbone by a boy bully that day When the
bell rang and they all left, headed for the cafeteria, I stayed
in my seat and cried The teacher came over and tried to
ascertain the problem, by I was inconsolable at this point The
straw had broken the camel’s back I had not talked to anyone
about the things happening at school, not teachers, not even my
parents I would not stop crying, so the teacher brought the
principal into the room He talked to me, and calmed me down
enough to get me to go with him and personally have lunch with
him in the cafeteria Just him and me Those kids must’ve
realized how much trouble they could be in, and began
approaching our table with their desserts and food from their
trays I thought, trying to look good to that principal I doubt
if he was fooled, but the bullying stopped, at that school
anyway I didn’t make friends there before we moved again,
because I had no interest in befriending people who would treat
me that way
In other schools I encountered different versions of bullying
I look back now, and realize that I must have had some strength,
to never tell on them Sometimes, the bullying gets worse if you
tell In one school the senior class heard about the cruelty of
a group of girls I had hung around with, and threatened them
One senior (I was a freshman) told me, “there’s something wrong
with this class, they’re just the meanest bunch of kids” I
silently agreed, and befriended another group of girls who were
very nice But then we moved again We moved to Clovis, New
Mexico, in the middle of a terrible time with racial unrest and
violence I heard that a cheerleader had been shot in the face,
so I decided I wasn’t going to public school any more My
parents didn’t fight me on it, I was fourteen then, and I was
homeschooled from then on This article is about children and
teens who commit suicide as a result of being bullied The one
thing I had going for me was thinking, “I can get through this,”
and my faith in God My family belief was that if you commit
suicide, you couldn’t ask forgiveness, and you’ve taken a life
(your own), and therefore you would not go to heaven Hey, it
worked for me
I can remember, at one particular school, while at home, one
day, I discovered a bunch of books on the martial arts,
Ju-Jitsu, that an uncle had left at our house I was fascinated
by it, and read every one of them The illustrations showed how
you could defend yourself, and even put an attacker’s eyes out,
break their eardrums, and many other useful things to a bullied
child I was only ten, then, and had no one to practice with
The Ju-Jitsu defense idea slowly faded from my arsenal, and it’s
just as well- violence begets violence I excelled in my classes
that year, and discovered the saying that I would hear much
later, as an adult, “The best way to get even is to be a
success” was true
Most of the schools I attended harbored just a few bullies, and
most of the student body was decent It’s just that the new kid
makes a good target They weren’t all like the worst town I can
remember
What bullies do
Name calling
Put-downs
Cruel teasing
Saying/writing negative things about others
Exclusion from participation
Not talking or recognizing
Intimidation
Threats
Taking property
Destroying belongings
Hitting/kicking
Forcing others to do things they don’t want to do
The types of bullies
Type One
The first type of bully is more of the stereotypical bully The
aggressor has few tools in his social tool box to deal
appropriately with peers and compensates for this lack by
physically picking on others The aggressor does not need a
reason and in many cases is quick to escalate to physical
aggression without using logic or even considering potential
consequences
Type Two
The second group of bullies might be called the instigators
These bullies generate conflict and bullying scenarios with
others, either directly or indirectly through peer pressure
They are quick to become negative and argumentative They will
exaggerated responses in conflict situations They tend to be
bright and manipulative If things are calm, the instigator will
stir up the pot and in many cases, justify the negative results,
often at the expense of a peer
Type Three
The third type of bully is often an individual who has been
victimized by a bully and now becomes a bully themselves In
life, we learn from what we believe are our mistakes If the
issues of victimization are not addressed, it is easy to
understand why a victim would become “the avenger” “Do unto
others, as they have done unto you!”
When bullies grow up
I’ve also dealt with my share of adult bullies- people who have
never internalized how their actions impair their social
relationships and their lives I’ve encountered jealousy,
micro-management, and even sabotage from adult bullies in the
work place Adult bullies have been allowed to run amuck into
their adult years, many of them ending up in the penal system,
and some of them simply having acquired enough social skills to
blend into society from low-level employees to managers
Some of the indicators of an adult bully
Can be male or female, fellow employee or manager, husband,
wife, or parent
Was a bully or was bullied in school
Makes mountains out of molehills, in order to control
another
Unreasonable/rigid management
His way or the highway
Destroys staff moral, later “feels bad”
Now more apt to use learned cruelty through verbalization-
aiming for “pushing the buttons” by using intimate knowledge to
hurt another Sabotages the work of another
Micro-manages
Still makes cruel comments and put-downs
Imagine this (from wwwjaredstorycom, used by permission)
“Imagine these things happening in our workplace Imagine being
harassed and humiliated day in and day out Imagine being shoved
in the hallways or knocked in the head–never knowing when the
perpetrator will strike again Imagine sitting quietly, eating
your lunch, and being knocked from your chair Just imagine that
as your head hits the floor, you go in and out of consciousness,
as you feel blow after blow, to your head and face Imagine
being told that if you ever defend yourself–you will be
fired–but your attackers are allowed back the next day or the
next week–to do it all over again “Hard to imagine, isn’t it?
How absurd to think that any business in the United States would
operate in that fashion and stay in business Yet, in the
business of public education, we are telling our children to
expect it and accept it The reality is that others took
Brandon’s life long before he ended his pain Brandon was
courageous He fought a valiant battle, enduring all these
things–until he lost all hope Just imagine” -Cathy, Brandon’s
mom, from wwwjaredstorycom
Tags | alliances, bitterness, bullseye, bullycide, conviction, courage, prejudice, spitballs, tailbone
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